smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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