I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Success! We fucked roommates!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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