i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
