after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
