ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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