it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
