so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
