BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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