OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
