Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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