How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
