Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am midnight drunk by noon
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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