he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
