I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
