that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
