So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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