Screwed.edu
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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