i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
