just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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