I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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