She's JV to your varsity
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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