you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
