At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
