Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
