He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
