You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
