Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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