Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
