how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize