i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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