She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have aggressive nipples.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
