I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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