come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Randomize
