honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
