forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think your dad took our porno
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize