they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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