I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
