I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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