Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
