thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
