She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
