Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
