There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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