Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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