help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
