I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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