hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize