$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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