i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
