8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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