So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
