Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So apparently I’m into choking now
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