i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
