quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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