why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
