i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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