dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
