Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
