Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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