How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
