Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
