4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
