I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
