And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
