if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
