im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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