I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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