Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
