I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
