dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
