Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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