The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
