There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
