I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
